A Message from the Author

Less than a month after discovering I had been involved with an online dating predator I found myself compelled to pour my thoughts into my journal. The need to write was immediate and visceral, a way to process the storm of emotions that followed.

April 22, 2008

I am more convinced than ever that I need to write a book about my experiences with an internet dating predator. I need to do this for me as a way to put closure on such a horrific chapter of my life. A way to analyze myself very closely. A way to work through all the pain, shame, guilt and grief that this has caused me. A way to explore the gift of intuition and allow intuition to be my teacher as I move forward for the next 50 years of my life.

Soon after the idea of writing emerged, it shifted from a private goal into a public mission. I wrote the first draft of this book back in 2008-2009. I realized I needed to publish to raise awareness about internet dating predators and romance scammers. My research at the time revealed minimal resources on this issue, thankfully there are more now. I felt a responsibility to use my voice. Since 2009 there were many obstacles that got in my way of publishing. Public awareness of romance scams is on the rise, yet the majority of victims are still suffering in silence.

The time had come; I needed to publish NOW.

In 2008, a Calgary Police officer shared a sobering statistic with me: for every case reported, there are 60 to 70 that go unreported. This number is on the rise as the number of people joining these online dating sites are increasing exponentially. Today scammers are finding their way into our lives through every social media platform possible.

In 2025, silence is still protecting the predator. Only 10–20% of romance scam victims report what happened, leaving countless stories buried under shame, fear, and disbelief. Even with most victims remaining silent, reported losses in Canada and the U.S. alone have reached a staggering $1.6 billion USD. The true cost is certainly much higher and far more human than any dollar figure can measure.

Did I want to write Internet Dating Predators: How Darkness Led to Healing and Personal Growth? Absolutely not!

My instinct was to hide, to protect myself from further judgment, not to display my vulnerability for the world to see. The last words John said to me on the phone were “I had contact with fifty women while I was seeing you” reverberated in my mind. The more I heard “fifty women, fifty women, …” the more I knew I couldn’t bury my story and knew the story had to be told. I had to find a way to survive and, eventually, to thrive, so that I’d have the strength to share this experience. With each conversation, I heard more stories, so many that mirrored mine, from North America and beyond. It became clear that what happened to me was a global issue. This is an international crime that is on the rise. A crime that affects victims of the scam, as well as their families.

Throughout Internet Dating Predators, my purpose is to do more than recount what happened to me. I want to give readers the language for the red flags they may already sense but cannot yet explain. I want to help them strengthen their boundaries, trust their instincts, and find hope as they rebuild after breaking free. I also want this book to guide those standing beside a victim or survivor, family members, friends, counsellors, and support people, so they can respond with patience, understanding, and informed compassion rather than judgment. If my story helps one person pause, listen to their discomfort, ask better questions, leave before the trap tightens, or feel less alone in the aftermath, then the pain I endured will not have been wasted.

John played me, but he did not get to own the ending. I do.

Your Truth Matters.

Roxanne